melissa marie

My goodness.

2009-04-04T15:23:00.003-05:00

So it's been forever since I've written... Dang it!!! I've been so unbelievably busy the last month, it's just been ridiculous. Hmm, let's see. Since I've last posted, I've moved into my new place!!! I love it here. The house is cozy, I have my kitteh, and my lovely roommate, and plenty of wine, too! Ha.. annnnnyways. Things are going well here, and I'm praying to God that they keep going that way.

I'm on my last few days of Spring Break, so I'm kind of dreading the return back to school. I got an 'A' last term, so I'm pumped. Go me, and my awesome procrastination which got me a good grade anyways, despite what I thought. Me, my roommate Beth, and Ansty and Hannes (friends from church) are all going to an awesome show at The Garage in Burnsville tonight. It's going to basically be pretty friggen epic. I'm pumped to hang out with them and have an awesome night :)

I'M SO EXCITED! I leave for Austin, Texas, on Thursday, and I'll be there until Monday. I'm going for modeling, so I'm just reaaaally excited. ESPECIALLY for the warm weather. I mean, geez. It's April, and it's not even 50 degrees outside. Laaame. I hate this cold, it's so depressing.

Listen to the song "Finally Home" by Mercy Me. Hannes played it for me a few nights ago, and I completely fell in love with it. I need to learn how to play it on guitar :) Psht, yeah right, I suck.

Off to clean out my car, and get ready for the show. Aiiiieeee !!!!! :D

YESSSSSSS!

2009-03-10T12:25:00.002-05:00

Life is BEAUTIFUL! I am happier than happy at this moment. So, if you didn't know, I've been looking for a roommate for a good while now, so I can move out into my "own place", even if that means having a roommate or two. Well anyways, a really sweet girl from my church, Beth, told me she was looking for a roommate!

The house is a duplex, and it's located in Little Canada, which is just a few minutes north of downtown St. Paul (Off of 35E and Little Canada Rd, for you stalkers). It's a really new house and honestly it's just gorgeous. The rent is amazingly cheap ($300 a month for rent, including utilities), so I'm just feeling so so so blessed. There's so much room and Beth is super friendly and we get along super well and just GAH! I can barely type right now because I'm so sososososos excited! :)

I'll be moving in gradually, but should be all moved in and settled by the end of the month :) Beth and I are thinking about throwing a housewarming party, too!

Soooooo yeah. I'm happy, and I can't can't can't wait to move in to my own place!!!!

I picked up a shift at work tonight from 5:30 to close, but I'm so happy right now that THAT can't even dampen my mood. God is so good.

Hellooo Change

2009-03-07T10:18:00.002-06:00

Hair appointment was at 1:45, and I just got back. Stupid stupid stupid hair lady. I told her literally ten times I wanted to be solid, white blonde. And the dumb broad just gives me highlights.

I didn't tip her. I was so frustrated... But whatevs, it still turned out nicely anyways, I suppose.

Necessary Change

2009-03-06T18:18:00.010-06:00

My goodness. I had lunch yesterday with my dad at a cute little place on the river. Can't remember the name of it, but I had a nummy little Caesar salad with a salmon fillet. It tasted amazing. After I got home, I remember being extremely tired, and I plopped down for a nap. Next thing I know, it's the next morning, and I've slept for 18 hours straight. It's unbelievable; I didn't realize just how tired I was.

I woke up this morning and got to cleaning. Fridays are cleaning days, but since I was sick last Friday, the major cleaning hadn't been done for two weeks. Needless to say, it took me forever to get done. It's about 4:30 right now, and I started at around 9. Granted, I did eat lunch in that time, and also had a meeting with Jennifer, so I can't say it would have taken that long if there weren't any distractions.

I've done a lot of thinking today. After the conversation I had with Jen, I feel like I've really let myself go. I've been so disrespectful to people and been really irresponsible. There's a lot I feel that I need to improve on, and it needs to happen now.

Blah.. I don't know. I just feel like I need to be myself. I have a bad habit of molding myself into someone that everyone else wants to see. I go through these "phases" of complete change, depending on my surroundings. It's really quite unbelievable. It honestly needs to stop. I want to be me again. I want my family to remember what I used to be like. I want my friends to love me for who I am.

I wanna go blond. Honestly, I've wanted to have blond hair for a long time. And now with my shorter hair, I think it'll be a little more of a realistic possibility. Plus, I'm not doing it myself this time. I think I'm going to call Rocco Altobelli salons tomorrow and schedule an appointment. Time for change, once again.

Subtle Realization

2009-03-04T12:12:00.007-06:00

The Ladies Group last night was actually a lot more fun than I expected it to be. Usually it goes by pretty slowly with lots of awkward situations for me (since I'm the only unmarried AND single female in the group), but for some reason, last night didn't have that same feeling. It's only my third or fourth meeting, so it's hard to really judge a sense of progression within the group, but I definitely felt a bit more of comfort and familiarity with the group. I suppose that's just something that will continue to improve upon over time.

After getting home last night, I talked on the phone with Max for like an hour, and worked on my damned paper at the same time. It was such a stupidly easy paper, I can't believe I didn't do it beforehand. Like I said in yesterday's post; procrastination and I are partners in crime. I didn't end up finishing last night, since I passed out around 12:45. I got up at 5 am this morning and finished the rest. When I got to class this morning, I found out that I'd written twice as much as I needed to for the assignment. Go figure.

I have to work tonight 4-close, and if I could explain to you how badly I don't want to work tonight, well... Actually, I can't explain it to you. No words can describe how badly I don't want to work. I work at Jimmy Johns, and trust me, the only good thing about it is that my managers smoke so much weed they're the most laid-back people on this planet. Which means, yes, there is a fair amount of slacking that occurs. Then why, you ask, might I not like my job, if it entails slacking? Because it's boring. No one comes to our JJ's. There's a McDonald's literally like 10 seconds away, and fat-ass America would rather clog their arteries with greasy hamburgers than nice, healthy, sub sammiches. Their choice though. I just sit on my phone and text all the time.

Okay, honestly, now looking back on what I just wrote, I really have no reason whatsoever to be complaining. Laid-back managers, no work really that needs to be done, and I get to text my entire shift. Sounds pretty easy, actually. It's just that I don't do well with things that are boring and go by slowly. That's the torture of it all.

My emotions are getting all crazy. Yes, I know, big change in subject, but my mind is feeling random today. Sometimes I wish it wasn't possible to love, just so we wouldn't have to deal with the pain and the misery that it causes. But shortly after those wishes, I change my mind completely. When I think about love and all of the wonderful and amazing feelings it causes people to feel, it greatly outweighs all if the negatives. Unfortunately, love is like a game of chance, and most times rather than not, you're going to experience the negative effects of love. Well, at least in my experiences, anyways.

No, I'm not saying I'm experiencing "love" at the moment, or anything relatively near it. I suppose I'm just getting excited about things that have a lot of possibility, at this point. It's a little frustrating, but as all things are, I guess. No need to state any specifics at this point... ;)

I added a photo from my last photo shoot. I'm trying to get a few more gigs lined up for the next few weeks... I'd really like to start shooting again! Might be a possible shoot sometime later this week, so I'm excited about that. I miss modeling so much. It's just so slow in the winter since everybody and their damn mothers go into hibernation. I honestly can't wait for spring, or just warmer weather in general. The high for today is 38 degrees, and it should be almost 45 degrees tomorrow and Friday! :) SO excited about that.

I'm starving. I'm gonna go make a can of chicken noodle soup and clean the bathrooms. I'll probably be running late, no surprise, as I scurry off for work. Maybe I can go tanning if I hurry my booty up !!! Ha. Yeah. Who am I kidding?

Lasting Realization

2009-03-03T14:06:00.011-06:00

Love is only a game
of what is fake and true
Creating a path you must take
despite the pain inside you
Though love and lust radiate
deeply within our souls
the true beauty comes into focus
and finally takes hold
While whispering silent secrets
and wishing of perfect circumstances
our minds continue to wander
and cry with saddened dances
With each lasting embrace
the pain becomes more deep
but in our minds we must realize
that this emotion we must keep

Road to Recovery

2009-03-03T11:57:00.012-06:00

Okay, so I got continually worse, sickness-wise. Went to the doctor yesterday at 3:30, and found out that I have tonsillitis and strep. and need to get a tonsillectomy as well. Not too excited about that factor... maybe I can schedule my surgery during my spring break so I don't have to worry about missing school. But seriously, what a waste of a spring break! I might possibly be going to L.A. for a modeling type gig, so why skip out on that to get my tonsils out? L.A. is exponentially cooler than surgery, in my books.

Anyways, back to the point. I'm taking 500mg of Amoxicillin 3 times a day for a little longer than a week, and it should clear up. Should. Thank goodness; I can actually recover now and get the things done that I've needed to for a week now.

Today should be an uneventful day of cleaning and homework. My room is basically a mess. Seriously... I have no clue how I can live in that room in its current state. And I have a paper due tomorrow, which of course, hasn't been started. You see, procrastination and I are basically a package. We just go together like macaroni and cheese. Spaghetti and meatballs. You know, whatever clever little analogy you want to insert there.

I'm gonna try and get most of my laundry and my paper done before Ladies Group tonight. And for those of you who don't know (which I'm assuming would be most), the women at my church meet every first Tuesday of the month for a little social gathering and talk about stuff, basically. We've been reading and discussing this book, "Creative Counterparts", but to be frank, I've read like two pages of it. I'm too busy for that. I'd rather blog. :) Shame on me!!!

-rolls on floor in giggling fit-

Yeah, I know. I'm feeling kind of spunky. This is the most energy I've had in over a week, and I can definitely say I'm sure as hell not used to it! Better get to work before a wave of laziness hits me, which of course, it always does.

Starting Fresh

2009-02-27T17:58:00.013-06:00

I spent the entire day in my bathrobe, laying on the couch wrapped in blankets drinking juice and reading Harry Potter. Call me pathetic, but I find it to be the best possible way to recover from this cold. Not very productive, but not like I could really get anything done today. I've joked around with Jennifer, and we've now called my sickness "The Plague".

I personally hate the fact that I'm sicker than all hell. Sore throat, dry cough, headache, stuffed up completely.. I took some Ibuprofen a little earlier though, and can already feel the effects of it, thank goodness. Tonight should be an interesting night of beer of whiskey, accompanied with some reckless socializing, I presume. I suppose it's really much needed, seeing as this week basically was horrible. I don't suppose getting outright drunken is good in my current state, but when am I really logical when it comes to self-destruction?

In the random magazine articles I decide to glance over, blogs seem to be quite the popular divergence for people nowadays. Why wasn't I in on this trend? Hell, I wouldn't even call it a trend. Everyone just wants everyone else to feel their sadness, their pity, and their daily bullshit. I guess the feeling of having someone understand and relate to your miseries makes it a little more tolerable, doesn't it?

I wouldn't consider myself to be an expert blogger, let alone a good one at that. But, me, being as outgoing and blunt as I am (Oh joy..), should be able to keep this going. I hope I won't forget about this. I always tried journaling when I was younger, but if you looked to the pages of my journal, you would see that most of the entries are months apart in dates. I remember there once was a span of 7 or 8 months in between two entries. I can't do that anymore. There's enough going on in my mind that can't just sit up there and rot.

It needs to come out.

Anyways, hopping in the shower. Trying to decide if I wanna get all prettied up for tonight, or just be casual-cool. Why does it even matter?! Gah. Being a girl is just downright complicated. >:/